The Musings of a Blossoming Alchemist

Oh beautiful and serene Kae,
Celestial beauty in one spark.
I don’t know if I can repay,
What you’ve granted my aching heart.

Taste the blood of those who wronged you,
On the ground by me they’d be pinned.
Of the event I’d be fond too,
Punishing them for how they’ve sinned.

Desecrating her sanctity,
A crime punishable by death.
It’s something I would pay to see,
To witness or cause their last breath.

How can I make you comprehend?
I’d honestly savor the day,
To witness the death of all men,
Who’ve looked in an unsav’ry way.

Nothing unusual or cruel,
In the atonement of the crime,
Of the ignoramus or fool,
Who mistreats the woman that’s mine.

And I vow that I will leave sore,
Any poor fuckwit of a man,
Who slights the woman I adore,
Even if with just a wrong glance.

…

To anyone who disrespects,

The goddess’s incarnation,

The woman I‘ve sworn to protect,

I wish the abomination:

Merciless annihilation,

Castration without sedation,

Their soul’s eternal damnation,

The lashings of flagellation,

Pre-mortem incineration,

And public humiliation.

And to my fam’ly,
I’m not just unique —
To their “sanity,”
I’m a complete freak.

However somehow,
Their normality,
Roots me to the ground —
To reality.

Their disposition,
Is not of malice —
Though there is friction,
They provide balance.

And although sometimes,
It’s something I hate,
I’ve come to realize,
I need counterweight.

To be quite frank
I can’t believe how I feel
You’ve struck my flank
Now down before you I kneel

A mind so great
A heart marvelously grand
I’ll face my fate
Made courageous by your hand

Oh so lonely
These ruthless feelings haunted
But you only
Are all I’ve ever wanted

And my pursuit
Of the alchemical stone
Terribly moot
It is you and you alone

I kept clawing
The roaring unyielding itch
Void so gnawing
Cavernous vacuous ditch

And the past wrongs
Your heart has now rectified
And by your song
I’m quite frankly mystified

Your holy breath
Unutterable splendor
A holy death
You mercifully render

And I embrace
Your holy and cooling mist
And by your grace
I have been forever kissed

With no foresight
I just could not see beyond
But a new light
Has been given by this bond

Vision obscured
By some limitless sorrow
But now I’m sure
That there is a tomorrow

All you mutter
And every word that you sing
Make me shudder
You are now my everything

No matter how wise I feel I’ve become,

And if I feel the world I float above,

Just one glance and I remember I’m dumb —

The wise man is rendered a fool in love.

And these dams of logic built to contain,

With their towering walls terribly tall,

Are just not a match for your loving rain —

Your flood destroys them all and makes them fall.

A helpless fool carried away to sea,

It was delusion to think myself sane.

And though you have certainly set me free,

And annihilated each of my chains,

Some part of me wishes that I could flee,

Because I’ve come to see that love is pain.

But now you’re forever a part of me,

On my heart an irreversible stain —

The deeper and deeper I hold you dear,

The more and more my heart becomes exposed.

I’m slowly swallowed by more and more fear,

My heart had spent way too long being closed.

As my state of shock slowly dissipates,

I comprehend I’m the one you’ve chosen.

The flatline ends and I resuscitate,

My heart melts and is no longer frozen.

If your source of heat were to disappear,

My heart once again left without your light,

I could not go on if utmost sincere…

I think I would have to give up the fight.

Listen here now and listen intently —

I swear to you my love is forever.

And I will never love more intensely,

There exist no cutters that can sever.

Your luminous love renders me breathless,

There is no greater treasure I cherish.

My love is eternal and is deathless,

You must know that it will never perish.

Care not if away I’m being carried,

And forgive me if I speak far too bold.

But I would love for us to get married,

And for our unified hearts to grow old.

Your presence strengthens me yet makes me weak,

And I’ve never known anything more real.

And no matter how many words I speak,

I’m powerless to convey what I feel.

Your love’s imperative for survival,

A patient plugged to a ventilator.

Your love is the key to my revival,

And you are my heart’s defibrillator.

I kneel before you my queen and altar,

Elixir of life and my holy grail.

I vow now my love will never falter,

It’s invincible and will never fail.

Now my heart rests in the palm of your hand,

You’re at liberty to do as you wish.

You surround and have plucked me from the land,

You’re the ocean and I swim as the fish.

Taken by your currents at your mercy,

Your waters consist of my living womb.

Still dependent and in need of nursing,

Your love keeps me from a premature tomb.

With the song of your voice

I am ecstasy-bound

What a limitless grace,

What a hallowing sound

In its tune, I rejoice

In its tide I shall drown

And without any choice

I am plummeting down

Now you’re armed with a spade

Set to bury me deep

In the grave you have made

I am carried to sleep

I’m the dragon you’ve slain

Up the mountain so steep

I now bask in this pain

With your sword hidden deep

And now in the valley

I can feel Death creeping

One more soul to tally

He’s come for the reaping

I’d like to pull you in

A vampire after prey

Join me in my coffin

Together we can stay

Stay with me forever

Look and say that you will

Leaving’s an endeavor

That may force me to kill

If you were to up and go

Leave and never return

I just need you to know

That one of us will burn

Woe to ye who enter

The sign above my heart

You must know you can’t turn

And go back to the start

You will either die here

Or die trying to leave

How does that sound my dear

The threat of your bereave

The feeling I get when I wear makeup…

It feels like I’m finally beginning to wake up.

From a fog, a terrible terrible dream,

Trying to hold it together, but tearing at the seam.

The goddess lives within, I hear her scream.

And she tells me, you are not who you seem!

But what am I to do? They’ll put me in the stocks!

“You cannot do this forever. Hear you the clock?”

You know you hear it ticking!

Who do you think you’re tricking?

Yes, my dear, you’re a time bomb.

Be free. You can’t please your mom!

Allow the chaos to consume you!

Only then will you be the true you.

You know you want to destroy it all.

Listen to the truth. Hear you my call?

I do not know what I am, but I know I’ve not been it.

I deeply abhor living in these limits.

Their game was always rigged. I could never win it.

Why, oh why do I care for the opinion of bigots?

Remember remember the fifth of November.

Annihilate the bounds and confines of gender.

I’m starting to think my life would be better,

If I let myself wear my scarlet letter.

Do I live a life of constant deception?

Embracing its hollow protection?

Living as their mental projection?

Or do I embrace my destined rejection?

Cast me away from the garden

I will not lay beneath

I do not need your pardon

And wow, what a relief

I’m glad we are departin’

Go and find your Eve

My life I am restartin’

My heart on my sleeve

Liberation is a bargain at any price

Even if it means losing everyone in my life

I love you so much, it physically aches,

This is all so good, that it feels near fake.

Just a single glance, and my breath you take,

Of all my blessings, you Kae take the cake.

And when I lay down, my head on your heart,

I can feel mine stop, and then soon restart.

No hyperbole, you are sacred art,

I am a puzzle, you’re the missing part.

And in your presence, I feel the divine,

You are my altar, my numinous shrine.

And if I should pray, for a holy sign,

I only need look, and recall you’re mine.

You remind me who I am meant to be,
You have snipped me off of the family tree.
Held to it by the chains of bigotry,
The woman inside me is at last free!

No longer bound by the need to blend in,
You’ve helped set free my divine feminine.
Hiding and stirring was she deep within,
But my love, sleeping beauty has risen!

Oh Kae, how deeply loved you make me feel!
I still cannot quite believe you are real.
I now feel my heart beginning to heal,
And now off the false mask we’ll as one peel.

You’re my Venus, my love.

Like our Morningstar, your presence heralds the rising of the Sun.

Oh luminescent, dearest Kae,

When you are present, soon comes day.

The end of my dark night,

The end of my long fight.

When you are in sight,

Soon comes the daylight.

Our love marks the end of my dark night, like our Morningstar Venus, goddess of love, heralds night’s end and day’s beginning 💛

So peculiar how love’s arrival in our lives can dissolve the darkness we’ve blindly groped our way through for so long.