Yearning.

An ever-present aching in my soul…

What is the missing link? Why can’t I be consoled?

There is not a single thing here, that can fill this hole.

…can it? Is she out there?

Is there even such a thing, as a “one true pair?”

She calls out to me, and I call out to her.

I know my prayers will be answered, that is for sure.

My soul, it longs for something true.

I cannot ignore it by just “finding something else to do.”

Indeed, that is the reason why I am feeling so blue.

…would I even recognize it if I found it? Am I ready?

I do not know, and I do not care — I want it already.

I want it more and more, by each passing day —

But if it came, would it even stay?

See, this aching in my soul is so not simple.

Or perhaps it would all evaporate, only at the sight of her dimples.

See, I fear this ache cannot be resolved,

though perhaps a single glance is all it will take for it to be absolved.

I choose love — that I do swear.

I choose to keep my heart open, and that I do dare.

I choose all of this, in spite of my growing despair,

as I push on, and accumulate my wear and tear.

Will I find her? Is life even fair?

Such a thought does indeed give me a scare,

but I choose to push on — I simply cannot not care.

Are we already there?

Have I already found my maiden?

Or what if I missed her, on some night I stayed in?

I suppose in that case, I’ll have to keep her waitin’,

such a period of time that I truly do be hatin’….

Who knows, maybe I am gay! Was it Peyton?

Or is she my twin flame? Is it Jaidyn?

The name, it keeps on changin’,

But the chaotic desires of my heart, are forever remainin’.

To truly articulate the desires of my heart seems hopeless.

I do not know if anyone could ever come to know this.

My heart has forever been broken open.

With no hope of ever closin’.

A constant ache for my other half. 

A yearning so intense, all I can do is laugh.

In my ocean of desires, I am just a mere raft,

Trying to oar through these currents with a mere staff.

Resistance is futile,

and at the end of the day, all I can do is smile.

But who knows, maybe it will be worth my while.

When it comes to the aching of my soul, I will forever be a child.

I refuse to silence it, and I refuse to grow up.

My heart has the reigns, with no plans to slow up,

and all I can do is wake up each day, and show up.

I only hope that everything within doesn’t decide to spontaneously blow up.

It genuinely might — I can’t promise it won’t.

I do not know, perhaps I’m living off of time that was loaned.

Maybe I’m doomed, and perhaps I’ve always been.

There’s a good chance I was destined to end up in the loony bin.

But pardon me, I did not know that following my heart was a sin.

To me, that is the only way that I can win:

by marching to the beat of the drum that exists within.

I don’t know what else I can say — my existence is torture,

but only because the thing I refuse is forfeiture. 

I’m well off the trail, my friends. I am lost.

But honestly, isn’t that the starting point of living life as your own boss?

I will set myself free, and that is for a fact,

and even if the odds against me are stacked,

with myself I have made a pact,

that my life will be complete even if I leave the walls of our prison only cracked.


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