The Musings of a Blossoming Alchemist

Criticize her labor, yet relish in its fruits,

We morally shame her, yet it’s us who are brutes.

The storm came, and the storm went,

Didn’t break, but may have bent.

Without a start, there can’t be an end,

Thought I was smart, but you’re not my friend.

A broken heart, I have yet again,

We’re torn apart, because I like men?

The depth of your fear, is unknown to you,

Whispers in your ear, tell you what to do.

Our end’s past near, we’re severed in two,

And let us be clear, though I may feel blue,

That I am sincere, and being too true.

Though I may shed tears, it is time I flew,

Though I hold you dear, I can’t continue.

This upcoming year, I embrace the new,

While I turn my rear, to you (and you) too…

And all that you hear, is far overdue.

Innately unstable,
He sees life as fable.
Sanity off table,
Brain needs jumper cables.

Hate this world and everyone in it.

It’s a rigged game. Just can’t win it.

Somethings wrong, but can’t pin it.

Convert sorrows into writing,
Take pain out of hiding.
For truth I am fighting,
In paper I’m confiding.

Now bring the death of the one they knew,
I’ll live life in authentic truth.
Now sever these chains right in two,
I’m ready to be born anew…
Butterfly I’ll transform into.

And my heart aches, my heart burns,
Pain I can’t take, belly turns.
What is at stake? truth I yearn.
I’ll concentrate, try to learn.

Let me die and stop living this lie
Can’t no matter how hard I try
It’s an act they everyday buy
Everyone, everyone but I.

Gift of aviation,
Mental liberation.
Higher concentration,
Mental radio station.

To frequencies,
That eyes can’t see.

Why was I born so unique and so strange?
Just being myself they think I’m deranged.
I’m sorry everyone, I can’t change,
I was born to break free from the cage.

I’ve got a brain,
You can’t contain,
Nor can you chain,
Dog you can’t train.

Always felt like something is missing.

For something out of reach been wishing.

Who am I? Who am I really?

Find it so hard to navigate these feelings —

Always felt like something is off,

A constant sense of suffering.

Always lost in a fog,

Life feels like it’s buffering.

I can’t take it anymore,

I’m crawling in my skin.

Of the cause I’m unsure,

It’s making my head spin.

I’m alive, but not living —

I survive, but no meaning —

Constant ache, constant turmoil;

I feel fake, milk that’s spoiled —

Could it be? Am I female?

About to leave the belly of the whale?

A nauseating feeling that something is wrong,

I’ve grown so used to it, it’s been so long,

I need to know what is the cause.

Show me the wound, hand me the gauze.

I’m starting to believe I am a transformer.

The male me is dying… call over the coroner.

Oh darling, it’s not fantasy —

Beyond this land I see —

And from the land I’m free —

So come join hands with me —

Choose to understand or flee —

Oh, how I wish to transcend!

With muggles, can no longer blend —

No matter how many owls they send,

Their attitude just will not bend.

I wish to be free, I wish to soar!

Normalcy is such a fucking bore —

I’m meant for something else I’m sure.

I cannot wait one minute more!

This life’s become such a chore…

Meant for more… let me fly away!

Don’t let me wait another day.

Just liberate me, divine I pray.

I’m different, within is a spark,

Difference between us is so stark,

On this quest I must fully embark,

& even if it ain’t a walk in the park,

Lead me out of the dark.

1. Prayer that does not come from the heart is not prayer at all.
2. The degree to which you will receive a response to your prayer, is the degree of feeling you put into the prayer.
3. Within every human is a geode. We must chip away at what veils the center in order to discover the gem in the middle.
4. Within every human is a center. Every time it is accessed, immediate response to our prayers are revealed — or, synchronicity happens.
5. The essence of that center is the essence of truth itself. The layers that cover the center are the layers of falsehood. Suffering itself can be defined as losing touch with that center.
6. Situations in life that push us to our breaking point are God’s greatest blessing. It is the pick that breaks open our inner geode.
7. That center has the final say in all things. It is always guiding the path. To align yourself fully with that center is to shed all delusion and align yourself with the will of the divine.
8. Misfortune can be defined as when that force sternly wishes for us to return to it. These are the times in life when we try to do something that, deep within, we know does not work. We push, push, push, but the rubber band snaps — with that center winning and launching us in its direction.
9. This is the archetypal Tower moment when the walls of deceit and lies come crashing down, and we return into accordance with that center. What feels incredibly uncomfortable, and even like a punishment, is actually that force giving us mercy. Often times it is not until long after that rubber band has snapped that we can see why and have gratitude for that moment. What if, in recognizing this fact, we can always be grateful for what is in front of us, trusting the benevolence of that force that has the final say in all things?
10. The inability to do that is intrinsically part of the human conditioning. The suffering of the human condition is about the discord and disharmony between all of these different parts of ourselves. Much like a foolish child rebelling against the parent, we dig our heels into the ground fighting tooth and nail wherever this force wills us to be. Only until far too long into the process do we finally get to see how shit out of luck, hopelessly fucked, we would be without that force. Then we also see that suffering itself is about our refusal to listen to that force, and honor that center. The farther one gets from the center, the more they suffer.
11. The promise of being liberated from our suffering is about the promise of reuniting with that center.
12. Life’s only true authority is this center. All other forms of authority are false and lead to delusion, ignorance, and suffering. To let our allegiance to all false authorities die, and embrace this one, is the magnum opus.

In the waters of Oneness I wade.

My sense of self begins to fade.

In the grave, my ego is laid —

From lead to gold, I am made.

And for the world, I wouldn’t trade.

Everything feels empty and hollow…

In my suffering, can’t help but wallow…

Into the darkness, you can follow,

But be warned… it may swallow.

Man kind.
Damn blind.

The light, it shines too bright.

How much longer can I hold this kite?

If I hold on, I may take flight,

No one here understands my plight.

I’ve seen too much, I need to ground,

To go crazy, I’m feeling bound.

I’m torn between two worlds.

I’ve seen the scroll of life unfurled.

Into the ocean of all, I’ve been hurled,

Back into the womb I wanna be curled…

Wrestling with my shadow.

Good O and bad O

Joy O and sad O

Peace O and mad O

This energy feels so extreme

All I want to do is kick and scream

I’m tearing here at the seam

Carry me away in a light beam

Oh wait… you already have.

Launched from my earthly half,

This rip needs a divine salve.

Its more of an Achilles calve…

I love the moon,

I love the sun.

Love the triune,

Two becoming one.

…

This morning, I heard from a pretty fairy,

Who gave unto me, a moment of clarity.

And she said, though it may sound scary,

That this life, is only temporary.

So go out there, be daring.

Go show some skin. Be caring.

Castaway from a faraway plane.

I seek to return, but all in vain.

To this reality, I am chained.

Memory of home is so faint,

But it’s there, and I am pained.

It’s happened my egg has cracked

And my face the truth has smacked

Turns out it was all an act

I’m a woman that’s a fact 

With anxiety I’m racked

By fam’ly I won’t be backed

But my soul is number one.

Even if I’m not their son,

From truth I’ll no longer run.

It probably won’t be fun:

And at first they will be stunned,

And then away I’ll be shunned.

But I cannot let my womb,

Lay cold and dead in her tomb:

For the truth I will make room;

And it cannot come too soon.

Holding it in makes me sick..

Out of the egg crawls a chick.

I took pride in denying what I feel

Lock ’em in a chest with a real tight seal

But I forgot what is and isn’t real

Wanna open it, but afraid can’t deal

But there isn’t another way to heal.

The goddess has come knocking at my door

And I’ve gotten a taste of what’s in store

This much is for sure:

I will not be bored.

I’ll not just be floored;

I’m taking a trip down to the earth’s core.

And then, a bit more:

To reclaim the ore,

To read my true lore,

To repair what tore.

To make the two one, an inclusive or —

My life can no longer be just a chore.

With my fear I’m going to go to war.

And I will spend much time by the sea shore,

The one thing that I truly most adore,

It’s a game of evolution like Spore —

My friends, I implore,

If I go crazy like a wild boar,

And if I let out a big, wild roar,

Please don’t shut the door…

Just know what it’s for:

Truth I can no longer bear to ignore.