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The Musings of a Blossoming Alchemist

  • Hental Mealth

    March 8th, 2021

    While the treatment of mental health becoming mainstream, and accepted, has been beneficial in many ways, I must argue that it has led to a form of laziness, and a sense of helplessness, in the collective.

    Truth be told, we have taken several MAJOR steps forward. I mean, the only way things can be healed, is by taking them out of the darkness into the light, and, for the most part, we have removed the associated shame that would push people to sweep their problems under the rug, and thus, out of the light. The benefit of this cannot be understated.

    However, I see an attitude that has taken hold of many of us, myself included. This attitude bars us from ever setting ourselves free from the things which ail us. It covers the fire that makes this possible with a wet blanket, and robs us of our independence and personal power.

    It is perhaps another manifestation of the widespread laziness that has been a symptom of the technological advancements of the 21st century. It is the desire to feel good now. We have been conditioned to expect instant gratification in too many areas of life, and this has bled into our own personal spheres, and into the ways we deal with the demons that haunt us in our own minds.

    In many cases of depression, and other mental illnesses, we are at the crux of our biggest opportunities for growth in life. Truth be told, only in our darkest moments, are we forced to use the brightest lights within us. We suffer, so that we can discover our ability to conquer.

    To rob someone of this opportunity, which the opportunity to suffer and make it out on the other side alive, is to rob someone of a core part of their humanity.

    It is the Hero’s Journey. We must descend into darkness, and make it out, in order to learn. We are blessed with the ability to suffer, and learn from it. Only in discomfort, do we grow. Only from this process, do we discover what makes our life worth living!

    The real tragedy here, is that we have been barred the opportunity to suffer. The tragedy is not our suffering — the tragedy is what we are doing with it.

    More than ever, we are running. We have become a generation of cowards. Material pleasures and distractions prevent us from looking within. There is a treasure trove that exists inside of each and every one of us. How are we going to find it by only focusing on external pleasures?

    Taking medications to solve our mental health issues is just one of the many ways in which we are being denied the opportunity to grow. 

    Before someone calls me out for this, it should be obvious that I’m not generalizing all medications. Medicine has been used since the dawn of time, for a purpose. It is helpful, and healing. There are situations in which medicine is the only way to make it out of the darkness alive.

    However, I am specifically attacking the situations in which medicine is used in a way that denies our opportunity to grow. We strip ourselves of our own personal power in far too many situations. It becomes a tool to numb our spirits, and numb the pain, rather than heal. Pain is our call to find truth. 

    Suffer. Dive into your suffering. It’s the only thing that will clarify what is real within you. As everything else dies, you will find what it is that you will truly live for. 

  • ?

    March 8th, 2021

    Yes, the motion of the ocean of your emotion brings forth in me endless devotion. It coats me, soaks me like lotion; it pulls me, lulls me like a potion.

    He crushes Satan with the wrath of his mercy;

    he drowns in the ocean of forgiveness.

    Thy mercy pours down like rain;

    and yet I hold an umbrella?

    I am a fool;

    I have a disease;

    you hold the cure;

    I forbid myself from receiving.

    An injured lion lashes out at those who approach;

    even at the healers.

    I am angry at myself for not receiving the cure;

    and thus, I punish myself, by denying the cure.

    I am disgusted by my sickness;

    to punish myself, I refuse the medicine.

    The sickness is in the disgust of the sickness;

    thereby do you deny His mercy. 

    Thereby do you refuse the cure.

    The sickness is the refusal of the cure itself.

    Why do I refuse?

    But what am I to do with mercy in this world?

    I placed it in their hands a nugget of gold;

    it fell through their fingers nothing but ashes.

    What am I supposed to do with your gift?

    They have made me hate it; they have made me fear it.

    They have taught me that it is not enough.

    It is time for an appraisal —

    damn the opinions of the many —

    I seek yours.

    God, what is your opinion on me?

    …

    What a fool I am —

    how could I have not seen the obvious?

    Your opinion of me is the gift itself —

    to agree with your opinion is to accept the gift.

    How foolish I was to disagree with God!

    Do you think yourself wiser than God?

    Then why do you disagree with him?

    If it is your trauma —

    then do you think your abusers wiser than God?

    No?

    Then why do you believe them over him?

    You can look at yourself through the lenses of falsehood and illusions —

    you can trust the opinion of yourself, or of them, over God —

    but how fucking stupid does that sound?

    God tells you, you are worthy of my forgiveness;

    you tell him, no I’m not —

    did you just disagree with the fountain of all knowledge? What the fuck?

    I’ve been using scratchers all my life —

    I finally win the lottery —

    I look at the prize —

    and I say… “Nahhh.”

    …

    I have hit the jackpot of all jackpots —

    Why can’t I just fucking accept it?!

  • Holes ~

    March 8th, 2021

    Holes —

    Everyone is so goddamn horny!

    Men — women — other —

    Every single one of my sisters and brothers!

    all walking around like bitches in heat,

    Desperate, so goddamn desperate for some meat!

    I did not stutter — I am saying every man is gay.

    But listen — listen here, I pray —

    At the end of the day,

    If a man wants his hole filled, what else am I to say?

    And, instead of waiting for the perfect suitor —

    They’ll invite anything into their cooter!

    Am I slut shaming? Yes, I think I am,

    And no one needs blaming — but they fill their holes any way they can. 

    They say anything’s a dildo if you’re brave enough… I think the opposite.

    People are stuffing their holes with objects of all shapes and sizes!

    They put pills in there, food in there,

    Some fill their holes with people,

    Some people even stuff mansions in their holes!

    Their holes grow loose,

    Until one day, they find themselves in their final hole — a noose.

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